LOVE bites...

...you in the ass! :)



This year I think I am less cynical than last year about the whole St. Valentine’s day. But out of fun and tradition I would like to share my bitching about this commercialized day or holyday as they want to call it (I do not know what’s sp HOLY about the whole thing to begin with. I had to come to work regardless, you know? There aint no Holiday for me buddy!)

I want to base my comments on images that are publicly shared about St. Valentine’s. I chose these 6 as I found them very VERY representative of my ideas and wacky thoughts he he he. And in all fairness, ladies, most of these thoughts are shared by your respective male colleagues, male friends, boyfriends and even husbands. They are just too scared of voicing them.
(Public disclaimer: Hun, this has nothing to do with us and/or it is not based on any of our true stories, OK? We are still meeting tonight 7.45 PM for the romantic dinner somewhere in Singapore)



1.Giving flowers and chocolates
DUDE, ARE YOU FREAKING INSANE!? CHOCOLATES??!!! Why do not you give them a jar of pig fat directly so you accelerate the process of getting a triple sized girlfriend?. Buddy, we need to talk! You need to give her a GYM PASS or a shirt that is 2 sizes smaller than she is, so she is a little more conscious about her size and keeps herself as hot as when you met her for the first time. Remember?! That was HAWT!
By the way, you see the flowers you carefully selected to be BRIGHT RED and PERFECT SHAPED… yeah, about that?... They are gonna end up all dried up and if you are lucky all chopped up transformed into cheap potpourri.

2. Cupid
Do not even get me started on the idea of a flying criminal child. A kid, who holds a weapon (with no license) flying around semi-naked with an insane smile shooting people. WHAT THE HELL IS CUTE IN THAT!? Get that FREAK and put him into a correctional institution… forever!

3. Playing little footsie- lovey-dovey games
COME ON! Are you not old enough so as to play that on the beach? Are you not a little concerned that people might be looking at you while you talk to each other as if you were twelve (and in the case you ARE twelve, then you should not be dating to begin with, TWEETS! – unless you are from Latin America where at the age of twelve should be having kids already!) :):)
And by the way, cut it off with the Honey, Sugar, Honeysuckle, Pumpkin!! What are you: a walking diabetes attack?!

4. Falling in love and plain falling
Simple message: It is proven that during these moments of HIGH endorphins the brain is affected and you might get dizzy, vision a little blur and eventually some stupidity and nonsense will rule your actions. In that case please remember thinking four times before doing anything.
For us in AP, please do NOT TEXT HER while crossing the streets (one of the main causes for accidents in Philippines lately!)

5. Chocolates again
NO NO NO chiquito! Dude! What did we discuss on point 1?! What part of the learning did you miss? D-O N-O-T G-I-V-E H-E-R C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E-S!
It is said chocolate replaces sex, well, why giving her chocolates then?! HELLLOO!!!??
Has she been already affected by the malicious substance (a.k.a chocolate) and some of it has deposited semi-permanently in her thighs and rest f the thighs? OH OH!. One more reason why should stop with the chocolates, and probably also with any sugars, carbohydrates, dairy and/or high fructose stuff. Water, unsweetened ice lemon tea and maybe some tofu is all you are entitled to eat now. Get it?!

6. Dinner cost and ROI (Return Of Investment) theory
Twist a little bit the economical theory and start by identifying what your expected return is. Only then start deciding on what your investment should look like and after that you should even deduct 25%, to make it less subjective.
For example: would you pay US$200 for a dinner with the expected return being a KISS? (If you say YES then dude, you are SCREWED UP. Period! Or you are one of the girls that would cheat us with a kiss for a US$ 200 dinner. PLAIN SCAM!)

Morale
Bla bla bla… all and all the reality is love will attack you at anytime, and especially when you do not expect it. You are defenseless, highly exposed and it seems to be innate that stupidity will attack you. It will!. Remember TOM & JERRY, the cartoon? There is an episode when the little cat-cupid stings TOM with an arrow in his ass (which proves the fact that LOVE BITES YOU IN THE ASS) and falls in love with the little pretty cat. Well, the same happens to us (although hopefully you are not falling for an actual cat, you twisted sick-o! Stick to the HUMAN RACE, WONT YOU!?

All ironies and funny comments aside, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY FOR EVERYONE!